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The Path to Forgiveness

It’s no secret that the life we live is not always as it seems and definitely not how imagined it to turn out.  But that’s life isn’t it?  The ever ending wheel, turning but never ever reaching a point of it’s destination.  It could be said that this was my life right now, a never ending circle of badness, a dark tunnel with no light at the end.  We don’t get to choose thought, the path to our destiny.  It is a road of bumps and roadblocks that we can never anticipate and as much as we want to, a road we can never abandon.  

Long ago a wise man once told me that the path to forgiveness would set my spirit free.  That to love is to forgive and to forgive is to love.  Funny to me now, all these years later that I still remembered his words and even funnier that I had at once upon a time thought those words to be beautifully poetic.

Bullshit.

The road to forgiveness is neither beautiful or poetic, but horrifyingly ugly and cruel.  I could have never have guessed all those years ago that it would be me testing the limits of my loyalty and my sanity, but here I am ready to defend what is mine yet again against all that would see my family undone.  

My mind was still whirling with thoughts of the past and plans of the future as I raised my gun, resigning myself to what I had to do.  I have to do this for me, I commanded myself firmly, a single tear slipping from my eye as I said my silent goodbye.

And then I pulled the trigger…